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Natural Hair Care: What Wash Day Looks Like

Well hello, I know it’s been a minute but I am back in the saddle again. It’s so easy to get caught up in life and the next thing that steals your attention. But I’m here, more determined than ever to stay focused on keeping this blog running. I’m looking forward to bigger and better things this year. Chocking my first year of blogging(well not quite) up to a learning experience. For my 2018 debut, I have decided to focus on a topic that I am pretty passionate about. And, not to brag or anything like that, but it’s my most asked-about question as I have gone about my regular daily grind. So I have decided to share my personal experience and knowledge about how I care for my natural hair, so hopefully, other folks can benefit from what I have learned.

I have always had pretty healthy, medium length relaxed hair. However, I had always been toying with the idea of returning my hair to its natural state. But I didn’t. Partly because I didn’t know how to, and secondly, I didn’t think I would know how to care for it and style it appropriately for the corporate environment in which I worked. Can I get an amen!! Am I reading your mind? No, your thoughts are real and you’re not alone.

I will share with you my natural hair weekly wash day routine. These are the steps I take to care for my natural hair along with the products I use that have worked for me so far.

Before I get into mentioning products, please note that this post contains affiliate links. Please read my disclosure for further details.

Weekly Wash Day Routine

Step 1(Wash and Condition)

Wash and condition hair with a sulfate-free shampoo and conditioner. Any brand will do honestly. You will eventually find your favorites. If you feel that your hair has a lot of product build up or is very dirty you can use a clarifying shampoo. I recommend and really like Pantene Truly Natural Clarifying Shampoo. Try to minimize the number of times you do this though and I will tell you why below.

Suggestions/I have used:

  1. Herbal Essences Hello Hydration Shampoo and Conditioner  (not sulfate free but pretty mild)
  2. Trader Joe’s Tea Tree Tingle Shampoo and Conditioner
  3. Carol’s Daughter Black Vanilla Sulfate-Free Shampoo and Conditioner
  4. Shea Moisture Coconut and Hibiscus Shampoo and Conditioner

Step 1a(Co-Wash)

In between the times when you feel like your hair needs a wash and condition, do a co-wash instead. Co-wash stands for conditioner wash. I have never used an actual conditioner to wash my hair. I prefer to use the pre-packaged ones which offer a little more cleansing than the straight conditioner. This is a one-step process.

Suggestions/I have used:

  1.  As I am Coconut Cowash Cleansing Conditioner
  2. Ouidad Curl Immersion Low/No-lather Coconut Cleansing Conditioner  

Step 2(Deep Condition)

Deep condition every week. I think this is probably the most important thing to take away from this post. You can alternate between one that has protein and one without but I don’t think it’s too critical to do that. Just follow the instructions on the label for the one you choose.

Suggestions/I have used:

  1. SheaMoisture® Jamaican Black Castor Oil Strengthen, Grow and Restore Treatment Masque (This is BAE, my hair loves this stuff)
  2. Ouidad Coil Infusion Triple Treat Deep Conditioner (extremely pricey but so worth it. I only use it when my hair needs a real boost, like gold)
  3. Eden Body Works Coconut Shea Hair Masque Treatment
  4. Mielle Organics Babassu Oil & Mint Deep Conditioner
  5. Shea Moisture Mongongo and Hemp Seed Oil Deep Treatment Masque (this is a recent addition but it has delivered.

Step 3(Styling)

The steps below are what is called the LOC method. LOC stands for Liquid or Leave-in/Oil/Cream. Depending on how much hair you have you might want to section your hair to do these steps.

Step 3a(Liquid/Leave-in)

After your hair is cleansed and deep conditioned, follow up with a leave-in conditioner(must-do). Make sure your hair is still wet. I mix them as well if they mix well together. I have used many different ones but here are a few to try. You will figure out your fave.

Suggestions/I have used:

  1. Eden BodyWorks Coconut Shea Leave-In
  2. Kinky Curly Knot Today Leave-in/Detangler
  3. Carol’s Daughter Black Vanilla Leave-in
  4. Pattern Beauty by Tracee Ellis Ross In(recent fave)
Step 3b(Oil)

Next seal in all that moisture with an oil of your choice

Suggestions/I have used:

  1. Coconut Oil
  2. Olive Oil(I love this because of the consistency but I use the others too)
  3. Castor Oil(I prefer to use this as a scalp oil, mixed with tea tree oil)
  4. Jojoba Oil
Step 3c(Cream)

Now this third step, Cream, is where we might deviate depending on the style you’re going for. My go-to style is a twist out so I will tell you what I do for that.

  1. I section my hair into large sections according to how I want the style to be.
  2. Each section I divide into smaller sections that would be the size of a twist. The size of each twist is up to you but the bigger you make it the less defined it might be, which usually translates into more volume. So use your judgment. I like medium to small as my hair is relatively thick and doesn’t need much help with volume.
  3. For each twist, I add my twisting butter and butter gel, detangle the section with a Denman brush/comb then two-strand twist. When I get close to the end I twirl/coil. Pay attention to how much product you’re using. Not too much, not too little and pay special attention to the ends. Alternately, you can wrap your twist on a perm rod to make your ends curly.

My ride or die cream products

  1. Camille Rose Naturals Almond Jai Twisting Butter
  2. Camille Rose Naturals Aloe Whipped Butter Gel

Other Suggestions/I have used:

  1. Mielle Organics Twisting Souffle
  2. The Mane Choice 24 Karat Twisting Gel

You can let your hair to air dry or you sit under a hooded dryer. Make sure it’s completely dry before you take it down or you will end up with a frizzy mess. Some people like that though.

Step 4(The Takedown)

Now for the main event, the takedown…

  • You have to be real gentle here. First of all coat your fingers hands with an oil of your choice(see list above)
  • Separate the two strands of the twist. I would say do this over your whole head. You may decide to leave it like this depending on the look you’re going for.
  • If you want more volume you can separate some more. This can get tricky. You will need to separate each of the previously separated strands where your hair naturally wants to come apart. Kinda shake it and separate gently and use your oil-covered fingers to kinda twist/twirl them back in place, smoothing them a bit.
  • Do this over your entire head, then use a pick to fluff your roots for a little extra lift, styling to suit the look you’re going for.

Here is what my hair looks like after all of that! Not bad right?

Hair after this process

Step 5(Preservation)

How do I preserve this style you might ask. First and most importantly, make sure you’re keeping your hair moisturized. Your environment will determine how badly you need to do this. You might need to add some more moisture(or not) and seal. Whatever you do make sure you sleep in a satin bonnet or on a satin pillow. If you have pretty long hair you might need to do a pineapple to preserve your curls. This just means gently piling your hair on the top of your hair and securing it with a silk scrunchie or rubber band. Your head should look like a pineapple when you’re done. For me, I just slip my bonnet on and go to bed. In the morning, I fluff, pick and go!

If your style doesn’t last a whole week, you can invoke the headband or make a puff. It will be just as cute/professional.

Let me know if you have questions because I am sure I missed something. I have broken it down as simply as I can. Once you get started your routine will evolve as you learn your hair and what it likes. That’s what natural hair care is all about. One point to note is that most of these products are all-natural or organic.

Just in case you’re interested, most, if not all these items are available from every body’s favorite store, Target. One secret I will share is that I use their RedCard so I get 5% off of everything I purchase. Sweet! If you would like to sign up for one, can either be debit or credit,  you may do so here.

Amazon is another great option for purchasing most of these products, and more! Most drugstores and beauty supply stores also carry most of these product lines.

Natural Hair Wash Day

Getting My HEALTHY Back – Six Tips to Get and Stay on Track

Think with me for a moment… Just picture this… flat, washboard abs; long and lean toned legs, Michelle Obama-like arms; firm perky butt; an overall well-proportioned hourglass figure. This is the image that has been portrayed as the “perfect” healthy body that appeals to many of us as females. Some of us naturally have that(thank God for good genes), others simply don’t or would have to work extremely hard to get just a few of these features or none at all. My point is, this probably should not be your goal. We should be more focused on getting and staying healthy. This post is focussed how I am working on getting my “healthy” back. Please take the journey with me.

The more we age, the harder it is to stay healthy(especially if we are not trying to). When we get to a certain age, shapewear becomes our friend. You know what I’m talking about. That’s why Spanx has grown to what is today as a company. Lots of very loyal customers. No shame in that! It is what it is. Things we used to be able to do in our early twenties and get away with it no longer happen. Our bodies just do not co-operate. That’s just how it is. I am sure I am not telling you something you don’t know. But there is hope!

Here’s how it began for me. If anyone knows me they would say that overall I am a healthy person. I watch what I eat, I don’t overindulge. I have no problem with exercise and for all intents and purposes, one would say I was doing OK. But nuh-uh!! That is definitely not good enough, especially if you are basing your assessment of your health on conjecture, assumptions and how you feel. I am here to tell you there is a better way. Before I share with you my own journey and offer up some suggestions, I want to put it out there that I am not by any stretch and health professional. I am not providing medical advice on what you should do. These are merely suggestions based on what I have found out as far as my own health is concerned.

Know your numbers

Medical ChartFirst of all, I would suggest that you set a baseline. Know your numbers. There is a reason that medical professionals recommend having an annual physical. I know I was guilty of this. We only go to the doctor when we are sick. I know culturally for some people, not having to go the doctor is grounds for bragging rights. It suggests that you are well preserved, healthy but that is not always the case. Not that it’s foolproof, but an annual checkup where medical professionals review and monitor your “numbers” is a way to increase the chances of your remaining healthy. The simplest number I can think of is your weight. Many people don’t even know how much they weigh because they are afraid to find out.

This is an opportunity to make tweaks or adjustments to stay on track with your health.  Or worse yet, you might be able to get ahead of some issue that may be developing without your knowledge. When you know where you are, you can make the changes you need to make with the help of your doctors. This is especially helpful if you are genetically pre-disposed to certain illnesses that can be controlled or prevented. For example, diabetes or hypertension. Diabetes runs rampant in my family, so I am particularly sensitive to that.

Ask Questions

I know it’s kinda intimidating when you visit the doctor. Noone wants to get bad news about their health. Don’t be afraid to ask questions. Prepare for the visit and mention everything that concerns you about how you have been feeling. When you get your results, ask what the numbers mean and what you can do to improve on them. Or get a second opinion if you need to! Remember, you are responsible for your health, not your doctor.

Make the Decision to Get into Action/Set Goals

Set Goals

Now, this is often the hardest part of any journey back to health. Many times the actions required are not fun and or will make us uncomfortable in some way. We either have to give up certain things, start doing others. And sometimes its a matter of life or death. Seriously!! At the end of the day, it’s all about choice. If we want to live healthily we usually have tough choices to make. Face it, being unhealthy is the easiest thing in the world to do. No effort required.

I am not going to sit here and pretend that I have it all together. I had to make some tough decisions after I came to grips with my own numbers. First of all, I was the heaviest I have ever been in my life. That scared the daylights out of me because I honestly didn’t see it. I felt it but obviously, I was in denial. My once very healthy numbers were becoming borderline. They weren’t bad but they were shifting in the wrong direction. That was enough for me to know I needed to take action. And that I did. Here is a simple tool you can use to set and measure your goals.

Set yourself some targets that you want to achieve. Make them realistic based on where you are and work towards them. Don’t wait for 2018 to start. Now is as good a time as any. Let’s get ‘er done!

Do what works for you

I knew what I wanted to accomplish and I had to figure out what I needed to do to get there. Full disclosure; the numbers I was most concerned with were my weight, my A1C (3-month blood sugar count) and my cholesterol. Now, this seems like a lot, right. But what I learned is that they were all connected. So if I chose to start with my weight control first, then I would likely see improvements in the other 2 numbers.

Like most working mothers living in a big city, time is not something I have in abundance. To control my weight I would need to get back on track with exercising and controlling my diet. I have to admit I was feeling the effects of the extra weight I was carrying. I just felt heavy!

At that point, I decided I needed to give myself the gift of my health. I needed to focus on myself for a bit and not feel guilty about it. I realized I would be no use to my family if I was constantly not in good health. In spite of what I perceived as my lack of time to focus on exercising, I decided to take it one step at a time. With the help of my husband, he got me going to the park that is a mere 2 mile away, walking/jogging on the summer evenings while our son used the playground. We would do it together and that made a huge difference to my motivation. Now I am back in the gym and incorporating weight training. Something I hadn’t done in almost a year.

I don’t know what your circumstances are and where you live but get active. Do something! Start small and build on it. No more excuses, right? Let’s do this.

Have regular checkpoints

MeasureWhile you are on your way and implementing the suggestions, decide on certain milestones and checkpoints against your goals. Set yourself some rewards along the way. Maybe it’s a new outfit or dinner at a special restaurant. Whatever floats your boat. This way you stay motivated to continue. Checkpoints could be weight check-ins, followup visits with your doctor after 3 months. Whatever it is, just decide it up front and followthrough. That’s how you know if what you’re doing is working or if you need to make adjustments.

Maintain(Don’t fall off the wagon)

When you get to your goal. You must maintain. Don’t fall completely off the wagon. This is hard but easy. No need to succumb to old habits but when you get to where you need to be, you will be able to indulge once in a while as a treat. For example, those of us who like to imbibe but the blood sugar doesn’t agree with that, once you have your numbers under control, you have more latitude to indulge without going overboard of course. Maybe on special occasions rather than every day.

I hope this post has inspired you to get informed about the current state of your health and for those of you who already know, to get into action. Please share your stories with us to inspire more of our readers to get their health back!

 

Pinterest - Getting My Healthy Back

 

Surviving Job Loss: What to do when your job leaves you

We no doubt live in a dynamic world where change is the only constant. Seasons change, fashion changes, laws and rules change; even we as individuals change. Somehow, there is one change that when it happens, it throws off our equilibrium. This is one that hits most of us where it hurts… directly to our bottom line. This post will explore what to do when your job leaves you.

Do you notice that the title says “when your job leaves you”? This doesn’t apply to a conscious decision to move on from one job to the next. It could, but that isn’t my focus.

There are several ways in which your job can leave you. You have been laid off for whatever reason; downsizing, acquisition or any other made-up reason that companies use these days when they want to preserve their bottom lines. Or even worse, you could be fired! I have never been fired but I imagine this would rank among the worst of the lot. Whatever the reason may be,  at the end of the day, you lost a job you did not plan on losing at that time.

Now that we have established that stuff happens, and a job is never guaranteed(which should put a lot of things in perspective for all of us non-entrepreneurial types), let’s look at some practical ways that we can handle and adjust to this loss and springboard into a brighter future.

Get your mind right

It’s hard to lose your livelihood, no doubt about that! No matter how it happens it feels like someone hit you below the belt or knocked the wind out of you. Feelings of betrayal take over, almost as if some deep agreement was broken, unfairly. I know! I have been there and I can tell you it doesn’t feel good. You feel angry and terrified at the same time. You can be left feeling inadequate as well. However, like any other change that happens in life, you must grieve; especially when it involves loss.

The trick is not to remain there. You MUST get your mind right in order to move on. No use carrying hard feelings for companies that are doing what they are supposed to be doing; which is protecting their interests. By the same token, you must protect yours. Your sanity, above all, is not worth wallowing in that state. You must muster the strength and be emotionally intelligent enough to find the focus needed to take the next step. If you do not, you will find your self stuck and you will wonder a year, even two years after, what have I done with my time.

Decide what’s next

Depending on your situation, you must try to figure out your next move. You will have decisions to make. Questions like “Will I remain in the same field?”, “Will I start searching for another opportunity?”, “Should I go back to school?”, “Do I start my own business?”; just to name a few. This will be a time to reflect on what you have done so far and where you see yourself going. It’s actually the perfect opportunity to review and find your passion. At this point, what do you have to lose? Of course, the bills need to be paid, but you know, greatness is often born out of adversity. I have heard so many stories of other people’s experiences where the adverse and urgent situation birthed a new business, side hustle or even a new career direction.

While you’re mulling over your options and trying to figure out your long-range goals, you will also need to figure out how you will sustain yourself through it. That’s a whole other topic.

Make a plan

Now that you have given the situation some thought, it’s time to make a plan. You can do the standard planning method of short, medium and long-range plans. This helps to put things into perspective and it does help to write things down. Most of us are visual so articulating and documenting a plan helps us drive towards the goals that we set.

One guiding principle is to have SMART goals. There are tons of resources and templates out there that can help you in your goal setting and planning. SMART stands for

Specific

Measurable

Achievable

Relevant/Realistic

Time-Framed

Here is one that I found.

Execute(Work Your Plan)

Now that you have set your goals, it’s time to execute! It’s so much more purposeful and rewarding when you execute against a plan rather than just shooting in the breeze(it must be the project manager in me speaking but it really is). You have guiding posts against which to measure your progress and you feel accomplished as you progress through them. This helps keep frustration at bay and keeps you focused on your goal.

Let’s say you are job hunting. If you just wing it, you might get frustrated because you’re not hearing back from the companies you’re applying to. Without knowing how many and what kinds of jobs you’re reaching for it’s hard to justify the frustration. On the other hand, if you took a more measured approach and you knew the kinds of companies that are responding, the types that are not, then you can figure out where to focus your efforts. This will lead to better success and an overall better mental experience.

Read my previous post about change.

Conclusion

Things can get really hard during tough economic times especially when your income is lost unexpectedly. But you cannot stay there. It’s a time to make mental adjustments; tweaks for some but overhauls for others. It may result in a change in how you live so you can prepare to move forward. It’s also a time to lean on support from friends and family as you navigate through that difficult time. For those of you of faith, it’s a time to dig into your Source. Remember, there is no shame in it. Stuff happens! Your job does not define you, neither is it guaranteed.

I hope these few helpful tips can help you if you are experiencing a job loss or in the future if by some misfortune it happens. I hope it doesn’t. But if it does, you are not alone. I have been through it twice before. I am still standing.

Let me know your thoughts. Feel free to share any suggestions or tips you might have if your job has ever left you. Looking forward to hearing from and sharing with you.

Job Loss

Ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive(Accentuate The Positive)

You got to ac-cent-tchu-ate the positive
E-lim-i-nate the negative
And latch on to the affirmative
Don’t mess with mister in-between

You got to spread joy up to the maximum
Bring gloom down to the minimum
Have faith, or pandemonium
Liable to walk upon the scene

I know I will date myself for doing this but I remember watching this program called Homefront on TV back in Jamaica when I was growing up(back then we used to get the shows after they were done with them in the US or England). The verses above are from the theme song for that program. It’s been many, many years but that song has stuck with me to this day. You don’t really have to go beyond the first 2 lines of the song; accentuate the positive – eliminate the negative. Basically the message is to focus on that positive aspects of life and reduce the negativity.

Have some fun! Listen here

Have you ever met some people(or you might be one of them) who all they can focus on is what’s wrong, or what won’t happen instead of focusing on what’s right and what could happen? People who focus on negative outcomes instead of the positive possibilities? Or what they don’t want instead of what they want? Who would rather spread discord rather than peace? Those who feel they have to comment or react to every little issue rather than trying to find positive solutions to correct them?

I am sure you all can relate, we either interact with these personalities daily or we are those people.

Here are my thoughts on how to remain(or become) positive in most circumstances. Please bear in mind this is from my own personal experience and may not be applicable to all. However I am sure there will be a few take-aways for most of you.

Focus more on what you want(not what you don’t want)

This is a basic concept of science(like attracts like). We have to operate in the realm of what’s positively possible. If we try to avoid something, we somehow attract that very thing. No wonder some people practice the power of positive affirmations daily so they can set the tone for a good day. We attract what we focus on. For example, you shouldn’t be saying “I don’t want to be in debt” but rather “I want to be debt free”. Semantics, maybe but it’s a drastic mindset shift that takes place with a simple change. “I don’t want to be in debt” focusses on the problem, that you don’t have enough money. On the other hand, “I want to be debt free” says I will focus on what it takes to be what I want; being debt-free.

This doesn’t mean saying a bunch of mumbo jumbo like “I’m rich, I am going to have a million dollars in my account by Friday”. It simply means expecting abundance, knowing that you are worthy, believing in yourself to manifest it. Somehow that turns a switch on subconsciously that it can happen; and it will. Now I don’t believe that this happens magically but the mindset shift turn into actions which support the positive outlook. I had a friend who always used to say to me “Positive vibrations bring positive results”. Sounds like Bob Marley’s song but it makes a whole lot of sense. Obviously Bob Marley was on to something there.

On the parenting front, I see it everyday with my son. You want him to make a positive change, you give him props for what he has done. And use that as encouragement for the things he needs to improve on. Not the other way around.

Don’t mess with Mr In-between(Don’t sit on the fence)

This is a message for myself as well. While we are focusing our attention on what we want(as opposed to what we don’t want), focusing on what it would feel like if we already have the positive situation, we should try not to focus on the what-if it doesn’t happen scenario. We have to be convincingly positive in our minds and stay that way. Now this is not to say that negative situations will not arise, but it’s all in how we handle that situation that will affect us.

This is easier said than done of course, but I really believe that you FAITH will be the source of strength to remain positive. I find that people who do not have the strong backing of their faith to help them through tough times tend to remain in the land of negativity about any and all circumstances that life throws at them

Spread Joy

Now, I wondered if it was coincidence that I read several LinkedIn posts this week about people who have been able to spread joy to others in unexpected ways simply by engaging with strangers. Two of them were people who were able to help others that were down on their luck in their job searches. If any of you have ever experienced what that feels like you know what I mean.

In one instance, one person was met a gentleman on a flight, heading back from home from a job interview. They struck up a conversation, which evolved into an interview(unbeknownst to the guy who needed the job). Amidst vulnerable moments, even tears, the guy who was down on his luck poured it all out. Turns out he was speaking with someone who had the power to hire him and was looking for what he had to offer. He was hired on the spot, earning more money than he did in his last job!! What an awesome way to spread joy!

There are lots of lessons in this encounter but I will focus on our ability to make positive impact on other people’s lives. Sometimes what may seem insignificant or small to you can have a huge impact on someone else. A simple “Good Morning” or a compliment can change the course of a person’s day. No telling what it can do for you too. I firmly believe in the mantra “The good you do comes back to you”…. the bad as well.

Thank you for spending time with me today, sharing my thought on positivity. I hope you found it helpful. Please feel free to share your thoughts and experiences with me as well.

 

power of positive

 

 

 

 

My Jamaica!! Memories of Independence

This is the land of my birth, this is Jamaica, my Jamaica, the land of my birth -Eric Donaldson

There is just something about this little island, set in the Caribbean sea. Jamaica is just a dot on the map compared to the rest of the world – that’s what we were taught in school.  As children we wondered, how come! We’ve got so much going on here. Just didn’t make sense!  Until we were introduced to the world map. Perspective is everything!

As our Independence day approaches, I won’t lie, I always get a little nostalgic. I ALWAYS miss the vibe, the celebrations, the events, everything about it. This holiday ranks up there with Christmas for me. I can’t even explain it as my words cannot do justice to the way I feel. Share with me “my Jamaica”; memories of independence celebrations.

Family Gatherings on Independence Day

This was a given. It is probably no different from what happens in most places in the world for any major national holiday when people are off work. I remember my entire family; aunts, uncles, cousins, extended family would gather at my grandmother’s house in the hills of St Catherine(In Jamaica we call rural areas “country”). To put this all in context, my grandmother had a modest 3 bedroom house, no electricity at the time and no running water. Despite all of that, it was one of my happy places.

Ackee and Saltfish
Jamaica’s National Dish – Ackee and Saltfish

On Independence morning, my mother would try to get is there as early as she could. Of course, we wanted to partake of that real country breakfast of chocolate tea made with coconut milk, freshly boiled on that wood fire in the outdoor kitchen , you know the type with the grease floating on the top? To round that out, we would have ackee and saltfish(our national dish), made from ackee freshly picked from her trees. Not to mention the roast breadfruit to go with it.

While we were finishing up breakfast, the men from the community would be preparing the “meat” for dinner. I apologize to the non-meat eaters and vegans in advance… but we would actually have fresh meat that day. Personally I could not look at that poor goat or pig whose life would be sacrificed for the feast, but it is what it is.

The radio would be blasting festival songs from years past and the vibe was just right. We would be walking around the property, partaking of fresh fruit from the trees, playing games with my other cousins. The adults would be playing dominoes; some recalling various hilarious family incidents from the past and just sharing stories with us. Stories that had shaped who we were.

My uncle “P”, was the comedian of the family. He had the funniest stories and the delivery is what made it so unique. My aunt(the oldest of my mother’s sisters) was always so industrious. She had an extremely keen memory. She shared some truly legendary stories. Things and times have changed and they are no longer with us but we have the memories.

Festival Song Competition

I’m not sure but this might be a little unique to Jamaica, but in the months leading up to Independence, we have a Festival Song competition. The competition has evolved over the years but when I was growing up, all entries had to have certain characteristics to qualify. There were a few competitors who had that formula down pat! We always anticipated those top ten finalists with their catchy beats. By the time we were going off on summer holidays from school, the songs would make their way to the airwaves. It was amazing how fast we would catch on to our favorites. Old and young alike. The vibe was electric. Other popular artists had to share the spotlight or be sidelined during those summer months.

They would have road shows across the island providing entertainment for the people. While I was too young to be allowed to attend these shows I would watch on TV with my family. Enjoying it just as much. Eric Donaldson, The Astronauts, Roy Rayon, Toots Hibbert, Ras Karbi, Tinga Stewart, Stanley and the Turbines…just to name a few.

When time came for the finals, everybody had their favorite. We would watch with bated breath to find out the winner. Oh how I miss that. Many times I fell asleep just before it ended. The next morning(usually a Sunday) suspense would get the better of me. I would be dying to find out who won (P.S. there was no internet to google).

In 1987 we were celebrated 25 years of independence. Roy Rayon won with his song “Give Thanks and Praises”. Saints and sinners alike were singing this one. Church people took to it like bees to honey. Oh the memories lol…

Share a few of my favorites here!

Grand Gala

Jamaica Grand Gala
Jamaica Grand Gala

Grand Gala was special! Although I don’t recall ever attending in person it was the highlight of the celebrations. It was usually televised so people from across the island could partake. This was a showcase of all kinds of performances depicting out culture pre- and post-independence. Music, dance, poetry, food, national symbols. For those who don’t know, itty-bitty Jamaica is culturally rich. We maintain our culture, we celebrate it and we pass it on. Despite all our challenges as a nation, this is one thing we have gotten right. It is what makes us who we are today and what makes us unique and fascinating to the rest of the world.

Legends like Bob Marley, Usain Bolt are all part and parcel of who and what we celebrate during independence. It’s the Jamaican pride. I can’t explain it. I plan to take my family back to Jamaica during the summer to experience it.

Floats/Parades

On Independence day as well, we would have float parades throughout the streets of Kingston culminating at the National Stadium. The stadium only seats about 30,000 but was always jammed to capacity. People would line the streets, to see the parades; young, old, uptown, downtown. It brought the entire country together. Our beauty queens and other local celebrities would be transported in classic cars during the parade. Floats depicting different aspects of Jamaican life or history would be on display, the military, our constabulary force, anything uniquely Jamaican. Just fun times…

There are so many memories to share but if I continue this post would be way too long. Maybe you can share with me some of your own memories of Independence. I would love to hear them.

Life Lessons from the NBA Finals

Another NBA season has come and gone. The Golden State Warriors prevailed for the second time in three (3) seasons, and were crowned champions. For all my sports fans out there, share with us some valuable life lessons from the recently concluded NBA Finals.(Walk with us through another guest post from my sports-loving and obviously wise brother)

The Dubs, as the team is popularly called, prevailed over the Lebron James and Kyrie Irving led Cleveland Cavaliers, four (4) games to one (1). Kevin Durant was awarded the trophy for being the most valuable player (MVP) of the finals. The Warriors ended with a post season record of 16 – 1.

 

Never be afraid to take on the giants in your life

Numerous accolades and superlatives were accorded to Durant. He competed on a fairly even basis with King James, the league’s marquee player (regarded by many as the best player on the planet), to lead the Golden State Warriors to victory. For KD35, it was a personal triumph. He bore the brunt of criticism from past and present players, as well as spectators, for ‘joining a seventy three (73) win team.’  How could the NBA’s second best player commit such a faux pas! They called him ‘soft’, ‘cupcake’… even accused him of ‘hopping on a bandwagon.’

‘Cometh the hour, cometh the man’, when the Warriors needed leadership, KD stood tallest and was counted.

 

It takes a village

Despite the individual exploits of Durant and Steph Curry, the reigning MVP of the league, the raison d’etre for the team’s success is to be found in the deeply rooted ‘strength in numbers’ concept. The extremely unselfish nature of the team’s players, including its ‘world players’ demonstrated this. Let’s look at the this interesting statistic from the NBA finals; number of assists per game recorded for each team. The Warriors amassed thirty (30) assists per game compared to twenty two (22) for the Cavaliers. Caring is indeed sharing.

 

It’s not where you start, it’s where you finish

The Team

Let’s take a closer look at the Golden State roster. The nucleus of the team was acquired through the league’s lottery system or NBA draft as it is otherwise called. Steph Curry was selected with the seventh (7th) pick in the 2009 draft, Klay Thompson, eleventh (11th) in 2011 and Draymond Green, the lowly thirty fifth (35th) in 2012. All three honed their skills and talents through great work ethic and became repeat NBA All Stars.

For the 2016/2017 season, the team retooled via free agent acquisitions: Kevin Durant, a perennial all-star (who chose to swap Oklahoma City for the more urbane city of Oakland, California) and Zaza Pachulia, NBA journeyman whose previous tour of duty was with the Dallas Mavericks. The Warriors squad also includes NBA veterans such as Andre Iguodala, Sean Livingston, David West, Matt Barnes and Javale McGee, a group that made tremendous personal sacrifice to achieve the collective goal, winning a championship. The roster also includes up and coming players such as Ian Clark, Kevin Looney, Patrick McCaw, Damian Jones and James Michael McAdoo.

 

Focus on your game plan

The Finals

The NBA finals provided riveting action.  The television ratings told the story. The finals was the most watched version since 1998 (Source:Neilsen). The action was non-stop and enthralling, with the pendulum swinging from end to end. LBJ gave everything he had. Averaging a triple double for the series – attaining double digits in points (33.6), rebounds (12) and assists (10) was no mean feat. Kyrie was typically Kyrie (averaging 29.4 points per game), proving to be unstoppable during critical stretches.

Whilst the greater number of highlight reel-worthy plays belonged to the Cavaliers (due the degree of difficulty for shots made), Golden State had greater success moving the basketball around the perimeter resulting in more open shots attempted and made. The Warriors’ bench outscored the Cavaliers’ bench thirty (30) to twenty two (22), enabling greater periods of rest for the Golden State starters resulting in the Dubs players being much fresher towards the end of the game. LBJ and Kyrie averaged forty two (42) and forty (40) minutes per game respectively compared to KD ad Steph who logged thirty nine (39) and thirty seven (37) minutes respectively.

At end of the series, jubilation and unfettered joy filled the Oracle Arena, the Warriors’ fortress. (The Dubs were undefeated at home during their historic playoff run). The champagne flowed, celebratory cigars lit and confetti flowed down from above as the Dubs were again at the top of the mountain.

 

Success does not come overnight

The success of the Warriors did not take place overnight, it has been due to the hard work and thoughtful actions implemented to make the dream; the transformation of the once mediocre establishment into a championship winning franchise, a reality. Some of notable changes are as follows:-

  • The purchase of majority ownership of the franchise by Joe Lacob in 2010;
  • The hire of Bob Myers as Assistant GM in 2011 (promoted to GM in 2012);
  • Appointment of Lakers legend Jerry West as Board Member;
  • Replacement of Head Coach Mark Jackson with Steve Kerr;
  • The continued selection of player personnel and coaching staff to fit the dream.

To achieve such dream as it is often said that the whole must be greater than the sum of the individual parts. When you dissect this success story, you can learn several valuable life lessons. These lessons have been brought to the fore in numerous interviews conducted with various members of team Golden State, i.e. the  Players, Head Coach Steve Kerr, the General Manager Bob Myers and Owner Joe Lacob.

Watch the following interviews and you will see what I mean:-

Andre Iguodala On Winning Championship Postgame Interview | June 12, 2017

GM Bob Myers gives his thoughts on Every Single Player & Coach on the Warriors

David West Postgame Interview after Cavaliers vs Warriors Game 5

Steve Kerr Parade Interview June 15,2017 | Warriors Parade |

Talent will only get you so far(There is no “I” in TEAM)

Players’ Perspective

There is a collective drive by players to hone their skills through continued hard work, refusing to rely solely on God given talent. The team has worked hard to embed a culture within the organization that sees all players participating in all training sessions regardless of whether the sessions are mandatory or optional. Players are constantly in the gym, ensuring that their bodies are in optimal condition to manage the rigors of the regular season and the playoffs.

The players also spoke of the sacrifices made for the greater good of the team, the contribution of the veterans who acted as mentors for the younger players (both on and off the basketball court). It is apparent that each player within the team understands the importance of their role in the process and also appreciates the role and efforts of others.

The players also spoke highly of their employers, and highlighted team management’s role in setting the tone at the top, selecting the right personnel to blend with the required and established ethos and modus operandi of the Warriors.

The players commended the coaching staff for having excellent communication skills. Their impeccable ability to read and interpret situations, the ability to make changes as necessary was not lost on the. They instinctively try to meet each player at the point of need; knowing each individual’s trigger point and intended reaction. Aim being to get the desired reaction.

Build Synergies(Give praise where praise is due)

Head Coach’s Perspective

Coach Kerr spoke highly of each member of the team. The sacrifices made by key individuals in contributing to the collective success of the Warriors. For me the most endearing quality of the head coach was the fact that he always gave due recognition to the efforts of his team. At no point has he taken credit for team’s success. As a colleague put it

He was always self-deprecating, heaping praise on the team and the collection of talent at his disposal

He also highlighted the unselfish nature of his players as they worked hard to achieve the collective goal of retaining the Larry O’Brien trophy.

A believer in the strength in numbers concept, Coach Kerr spoke of his confidence in the abilities and talents of ALL his players. He related that the saying was not just a cliché but a practice. Instilling players with a sense of belief and belonging (the feeling of importance) is a critical part of their development. In times of need, and when it really counts, these players are able to effectively seize the moment. This was the case for Rookie Patrick McCaw who was given significant minutes in the decisive game five (5) victory. McCaw duly obliged with an invaluable contribution in the 129 – 120 victory.

 

Don’t be afraid to shine your light

General Manager’s Perspective

The team’s owner refers to the GM as a people person who loves basketball. I have watched two (2) interviews done by Bob Myers, post championship and whole-heartedly agree. These videos were what you would call must watch TV; captivating to the last second. So much so that I decided to share these videos with a few of my colleagues. The reactions say it all:

the guys knows each team and coaching staff member by name, talent, character/personality, contribution to team performance, everything!

Definitely an A grade leader for building and maintaining a winning team.

An unusual team manager and team, especially in today’s world of prima donnas. Obviously, they understand and work well together at winning as a team with everyone playing their part and respecting the others’ parts and supporting their hearts out!!!

If we adopted this caring approach, how good would our teams and lives be?

 

Conclusion

Success does not come by chance. It takes a vision, proper planning, careful attention to details and the selection of the required ingredients:

  • Strategic management and leadership pulls it all together
  • Collective ‘buy in’ of all involved is critical
  • Individual sacrifice for the greater good
  • Sense of belonging
  • Common goals
  • Measurable targets
  • Continuous efforts aimed at excellence and improvement.

Read Also : Life Lessons from Super Bowl LI

Life Lessons from NBA

Tribute to My Father

This is a guest post by my brother in tribute to our father for Father’s Day.

With Father’s Day less than twenty four hours (24) away, it is difficult to erase the memory of my own dad’s significant impact on my life. Here are the attributes that made Daddy, Uncle Val(as he was affectionately called by all) my hero.

F – Faithful

Daddy was extremely faithful to his family. There would be no special occasion that would go by without him making a special attempt to keep the family ties going. Birthdays, Anniversaries, Graduations: you name it, he was always there. Whenever separated by distance, he was always just  a telephone call away.

A – Articulate

His formal education was limited as far as modern standards dictate. However, he was well schooled in the street side university and also from the teachings and learnings of his favorite books 📚- all sixty-six (66) of them(if you know what I mean). He also took interest in the famous philosopher Kahlil Gibran whose work has spanned many decades and is still appropriate today. He was always one to ask us to help him find an appropriate quote from some wise person for use in his speaking engagements. Daddy was a man of few words but he always seemed to get his point across in an effective manner.

T – Teacher

Although our mother was the one with the formal training in education, Daddy was a teacher in his own right. Giving us valuable lessons in life and indeed survival skills. He taught me how to tie a tie, how to shave… Things some of us take for granted until we have no one to show us. Engendering in us love for the Creator, love for self, love for family and love for our fellow man. His calm, unperturbed persona was always a joy to behold.

H – Humility, Humor, Happiness

His attributes beginning with H are so numerous and it would be a gross injustice to omit them

Humility was his hallmark. This also ties back to his love for his fellow human beings – Daddy was able to move with princes and paupers  with adept ease.

Humor was his trademark. He had an impeccable sense of humor and had the uncanny ability to make the most difficult situation light.

Happiness – he was a firm believer in being happy in whatever circumstance

E – Entertaining

Daddy was a joy to be around. He was always the consummate entertainer. Entertainment took place in various forms – his many stories, jokes, facial expressions, gesticulations or his dancing at church during choir recitals or even the work experience. As a lay preacher, his messages were always well received. Through my critical eyes he would always solicit my feedback – using one of his favorite quotes :- ‘blessings come down as a sweet smelling savior[savor]’). Even while giving the word of Salvation, he would find a moment, in a humorous way, to identify the particular church member who was dosing or the individual who was unfortunately stepping in late.

R – Real

As a father he always kept it real, telling it to his children as he saw the situation. He would say  ‘Listen [insert names here], it is what it is.’ This has helped us to stay grounded.

They say it takes a village to raise a child. Make no mistake, our mother was the captain of the ship, but he was definitely a great co-captain in his own right. Indeed Daddy, you were a “Mountain of a Man”.

It has been seven long years since you have been gone, but your memory lives on. You have left an indelible impression on our lives that can never be erased. If there was one regret I have in you leaving us when you did, it’s that you never got a chance to met your only grandson. I want to let you know that he loves you, even though you never met. I am sure you do too. He keeps your photos in his room. At times he cries because he never got a chance to meet you. Breaks my heart…

Happy Father's Day Dad

If I could get another chance
Another walk, another dance with him
I’d play a song that would never ever end
How I’d love, love, love
To dance with my father again

– Excerpt from Luther Vandross’ “Dance with my father again”

Watch the video here

 

Seasons of Change

It’s graduation season… Such an exciting time! Not just for the graduates, but also their family and friends. The accomplishments, the possibilities for the future, the relief!!… So much is wrapped up during this time. There is something significant about the onset of summer as well. It’s the end of beautiful springtime. It’s the beginning of summer.  So much happens around this time; beginnings, endings,  celebrations… It’s a season of transition!

Now your transition may not be a significant milestone like a graduation but it can be a time of reflection and a turning point towards who you are becoming. Frankly, this can happen at any time if you decide.

Season of Change, Growth, Opportunity 

We grow when we face challenges

Change is scary for most people, and if we had our way we would remain in that comfort zone permanently. The familiar. On the other hand some people love it, because they know that it is during seasons of change that we grow.

As you grow through these uncomfortable seasons, remember that all of us are equipped with our own special gifts or talents. It behooves us to explore and zero in on what those may be. Sometimes through trial and error, sometimes through failure; but the goal is to keep pushing towards the beauty that is within us.

Who remembers the story of the 3 servants who were left in charge of their masters “talents”? The master went away and left in their care 5, 2 and 1 talents respectively. The ones who were given 5 and 2 went away, built on them and doubled the value. The guy who got one, took it, hid it underground.

When the master came back to get an account for the monies given to them he was pleased with the return he got from the servants who took risks and ended up doubling the value. To these men, he gave greater responsibilities; he promoted them. To the one who took the money and hid it underground, he was chastised for being lazy. His response was, “I know you are a hard man so I wanted to preserve what you left me.” In other words he didn’t want to risk losing it. He ended up losing the one talent he got to the guy who already had 10.

What’s the lesson?

No matter who we are, we are all good at something. It may not be what someone else is good at, but there is something in all of us. We should be building on the what we have been given in order to expand our talents; increase our value.

 

Season of New Beginnings

Seasons of Change

Even as the season is changing, we are all evolving and changing, daily. Spring or summer doesn’t happen overnight. It slowly evolves over time through a series of small changes. I say that to say that new beginnings do not necessarily mean that it has to take a big bang approach. New beginnings can happen gradually as well. What is your new beginning? How are you evolving?

Beginnings are opportunities to adjust and become. For some of us it’s picking up the pieces and moving forward, for others it’s starting something new, as terrifying as that may be.

 

 

3 Reasons Why Change is Good and You Should Embrace It

  1. It makes you smarter – Someone once said a mind stretched by a new experience will never go back to its original state. How true is that! Once you learn something new or experience something different, you can’t unlearn it or “unexperience” it.
  2. It keeps you motivated – Who doesn’t like the sense of accomplishment when you overcome a challenge or even succeed at it? When you do this, you are reminded that the possibilities are endless and it inspires you to move on to the next one. Change usually brings progress.
  3. It makes life exciting – Can you imagine doing the same thing over and over, year after year? How dull would life be?

Factors for a Successful Change

Here are some factors to consider when making a change. You will have more success if you take them into account.

  • When the change is self-motivated
  • When the change is rooted in positive thinking as opposed to guilt, fear, or regret
  • When the goals are specific (i.e., I will walk one mile at least four days each week as opposed to I will exercise)
  • When you limit your goals to a manageable number
  • When you develop a practical, realistic plan for accomplishing your goals (If you work 100 hours a week, it’s unlikely that you will have the time to walk one mile at least four days a week.).
  • When you incorporate avoidance of triggers in your action plan
  • When you spend time with others who are positive role models for the change you’re trying to make (i.e., those who don’t have the habit or those who have successfully changed).
  • Source: https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/high-octane-women/201210/change-is-hard-heres-why-you-should-keep-trying 

Change is hard, but it’s been done before. So go out there, go get it done! We’re in your corner.

Change is difficult, not changing is fatal – William Pollard

Please leave your comments below about any change you’re going through right now(if you care to share) and how you are transitioning through it. Looking forward to hearing from you!

 

 

 

 

 

10 Wonderful Lessons from Mother

Mother’s Day is a special day for most people. I work in the payments industry and it’s the biggest spending day! Even bigger than Black Friday! Imagine that!. Suffice it to say, it’s an extra special day for some very special people; mothers.

I did some research among my friends to gather info on what stands out in their minds as the greatest lesson they have learnt from their mothers. Responses were along the lines of advice on relationships, money, and life in general. I pulled all of that together as there are common threads in some. By the way, my sample was from both male and female. Some mothers are still here and making an impact, others have gone on to a better place and have left behind a lasting legacy. Below I share 10 wonderful lessons from mothers(in no particular order).

Selflessness

Some of us can attest to mothers who would give their last ounce of effort just to ensure that their children’s basic needs were met. They would deprive themselves, not just physically, but also of their hopes and aspirations,  just so that we could have what we need to succeed. In some cases it was those extra funds to pay for the extra classes to prepare for exams, it could be that school trip, you name it.

My friend recalls how her mother(who was a teacher) used to give guided tours to visitors to the island to make extra money to pay school fees and buy school supplies. Now in today’s world that would be considered dangerous but back then she did what she had to do. No honest work was too trivial. If that’s not selfless I don’t know what is.

Generosity and Humility

Several friends recall that their mothers exemplified what it means to be kind to others, good living. Some Jamaican mothers have this “thing” where they will never allow another person to be hungry if they can help it. Even if they don’t have enough for their own children they would “stretch it” so that the neighborhood kids who don’t have enough to eat could partake.

One in particular mentioned that she didn’t know how far her mother’s kindness extended until after she passed away. She obviously left an indelible mark on others who will hopefully continue to pay it forward.

This goes hand in hand with lessons on humility. One friend recalls her mother passing on wisdom that no matter where you are in life, remain humble. You never know when you will have to look up at the person you once looked down on.

Living Unapologetically

One friend got advice from her mother to be comfortable doing things her way, unapologetically. She was encouraged to embrace changing thoughts and ideas throughout the seasons of life. These changes can be far removed from what you are accustomed to, but as long as it doesn’t compromise integrity and the essence of who you are, then be open to it.

Self Care

This is something that most of us mothers neglect. I am happy there are mothers out there passing this wisdom on because it is WISE!. You really do have to take care of yourself first and that naturally extends to the people around you. If you are stressed out and frazzled, you emit those vibes and your efforts are thwarted despite your best intentions. Advice is to practice self care. You cannot pour from an empty cup! Or worse yet, you might be pouring negativity making a bad situation worse.

Importance of Prayer

For those of you who are people of faith, this is very important. My friend said her mother taught her to pray about EVERYTHING. This is a tough one for most people because we start looking for solutions and stressing before we seek the help we truly need. We really need to change the order and pray first, then work. Concept here is that we will be guided in the way we should go. Even if we fail in the moment, there is a lesson in it and that’s where faith comes in.

Finding True Love

Another friend recounts how her grandmother, who was her main caregiver drilled into her the need to find true love. This extended to the relationships she sought and tried to maintain through out her life. She never allowed herself to settle if that main ingredient was not present.

Keeping Private Things Private(Don’t Overshare)

This one I found very interesting. One person shared that his mother taught him not to overshare. I didn’t get it at first but here is the essence of it. You know as children when you visit your friends house, or even at school; sometimes other adults will give kids the third degree to find out about details about their parents and home situation. I know it’s kinda unfair but it happens. So his mother told him not to allow himself to be questioned in that way.

Patience and Perseverance

Another friend recalls that his mother not only taught him the importance of patience and perseverance in life but exemplified it. She taught him the importance of waiting and putting the effort into anything worth having. His wife remembers her mother saying “Bird fly too fast, fly past dem nest” [Translation: Be patient, some things just take time].

I remember my own mother, who delayed furthering her education until both my brother and myself were further along with ours. She and I ended up at the same university and the same time. We got our bachelors’ degrees within a year of each other.

One person said whenever she wanted to sleep and not study her mother would sing in her ear “The heights by great mean reached and kept were no attained by sudden flight, but they, while their companions slept were toiling upwards in the night”. So apt!!

Being content with what you have

My cousins recall how much my aunt would tell them not to be “red eye”. For those of you who are not familiar with the term it simply means not to begrudge others for what they have. My own mother would say to us that if you are “red eye”, you would be willing to do anything to get it(and not in a good way). My grandmother would also tell us not to envy other people because you don’t now what they had to do to get it. For example, you see that nice couple who seems to be living the life, multiple cars and that expensive house with the pool. It might have been gotten by illegal means, things you yourself would not be willing to do.

Bottom line is, “if you want good yuh nose haffi run”. [Translation: you can accomplish what you want if you are willing to put in the work.]

Dream Big

My friend recalls that things were pretty rough financially for her single mom raising 6 children. Her mother consistently reminded them that this was not their final destination. This led them to strive to succeed. Now she and her siblings have succeeded in their various fields, testament to values passed from their mother.

She also added that laughter was what helped them through some of the tough times.

There is so much more to share. I might need to do a part 2. As I collected all these messages and tidbits from my friends, the most common theme I noticed was that many of them said that their mother never really sat them down and told them these things but rather led by example. If there ever was a take-away from this, it would be that we are the screen of our children’s lives. They watch us. We cannot say one thing and do the other, it cannot be “do as I say but not as I do”. Your lives are a living example and will make the biggest impact on your children.

I am happy that so many of my friends and family have positive role models after which to fashion their own lives and will extend to their own parenting. I know I can attest to the influence of my own parents and extended family in shaping who I am. And I am grateful for that. I have seen the product of what it’s like to be devoid of positive influence in one’s life. Those of us who can, let’s pay it forward. Share the positivity, even if it’s just to our own children. Never forget the lessons!

Please comment and share your experiences below. We’d love to hear from you!

Lessons from Mom
Lessons from Mom

 

 

 

How to Handle Mommy Fail Moments

I’m not sure, maybe because Mother’s Day is coming, but I feel like I’m in full on mommy mode as far as my blog is concerned. I read a post from a fellow Jamaican blogger yesterday and it also added a little fuel to that fire. Made me start thinking of my “mommy fail moments”. I hope I’m not the only one who has had them.

I don’t think I am alone in this, but everything I do, every decision I make, every moment of the day, I think about my son. How my choices will affect him, am I raising him the “right way”, and by right way I mean in a way that will be suitable and effective for him. And don’t confuse this with meaning that I want to do for him what he likes, because that’s not it. My primary goal above all is to equip him for life so he is able to function and make good choices no matter what life throws at him. Help him develop good coping skills.

Fail #1

My son’s preschool has an annual trike-a-thon. This was a day when you would bring in their tricycles to school so they could ride to collect funds on behalf of St Jude’s Children Hospital. The day came, I dropped him to school and totally forgot to take his trike. I spoke with his morning teacher and she said not to worry, he could use one from the center. I was working 30 miles away at that time so it wasn’t an option for me to go home and get it.

When I went to pick him up in the evening, his afternoon teacher started shaking her head as soon as she saw me. She asked why I did that to him. I was a little confused at first.. She pulled me aside and began to lightly scold me. She said “You know how aware he is of what’s going on. Why would you forget his trike?”. He had gotten into it with another child who had a trike similar to the one he had at home. And became well aware that he was probably the only child without his own and got pretty upset.  He was about 2 1/2 at the time.

I felt so ashamed from the scolding I got, but most of all, for knowing I contributed to his disappointment. He was confused because he thought the trike was his, and then when he found out that it wasn’t, he felt left out. I felt like I failed him.

From that day on I purposed to not contribute to him feeling left out of those kind of group activities. He’s older now, so we can have a conversation about these things and make choices together.

 

Fail #2

Mommies and some fathers can usually relate to the natural instinct about what’s going on with their child. Sometimes we dismiss it, doubt ourselves and sometimes to their detriment. I remember about 2 1/2 years ago, I was alone with him at home. My husband had his staff party that night and I opted not to go. I gave him a bath and he was in my bedroom playing, but at the same time complaining that his throat hurt.

I took note, but since he was still playing I decided to watch him a little closer. There was nothing visible that I could see. He complained a few more times so I told him, let’s go to bed, and had him lie beside me. When my husband came home I told him that he wasn’t feeling well, and of course in typical dad fashion he said “the kid is fine, are we going to get panicked over every little thing that happens”. Anyway, my gut was right. He woke up crying uncontrollably. I tried to soothe him. He would go back to sleep and just wake up again in the same way.

I woke my husband up and told him that I think something is wrong. He ignored me and went back to sleep. Of course I was wide awake contemplating getting dressed and taking him in to the ER by myelf.

The third time he woke up, got up out of the bed and went to the bathroom, trying to put water on his face because it was “hot”. I followed him, and when I turned the light on, I almost fainted. One side of his face swollen so bad he was unrecognizable. I had to gather my legs under me, pick him up and console him in between getting dressed to take him to the hospital.

It turned out to be THAT serious because we spent 4 helpless days in the hospital with him, still not knowing what was wrong. I regret not acting sooner and sparing him the pain, he was in a lot of pain.

 

Fail #3

Back to preschool(can you tell I loved that center), they had an annual thanksgiving family lunch. Now those of you in the corporate world know, sometimes it’s difficult to break away during the work day. This particular year, I made it, but I got there late. When the other kids were having lunch with parents/grandparents, my son was at the teachers table because he had no one. At that age, you might think they don’t get it but they certainly do. His teacher told me he was sad. I hated that. No parent wants to disappoint their child, even for a short time. Thank God that one was short lived.

There was also grandparents day where he was probably the only child without someone there. I would try to stay on a little and have breakfast with him so he didn’t feel left out. He has 2 grandmothers but they were live far away. This one year, another grand-dad adopted him for the day(God bless him). He enjoyed having a doting grand-dad, at least for a day.

I always try to make it to my son’s school events to support him. I strongly believe those are the things they will remember in life more that the gifts you give them. When I think back to my own childhood those are the memories I hold dearest of my parents, especially my father since he’s not with us any more.

We are not perfect, but we are good enough

Despite all of these incidents, which might have felt like huge failures at the time, I have come to realize that as mothers we need to give ourselves a break. It’s not the end of the world, we are not super humans, even though our kids might think so. The most important thing is to keep giving it our best shot but knowing that we will fall short sometimes. It’s not about perfection.

Here is a link to a video where some children are telling how they feel about their mommies. I am sure your children feel the same way. Enjoy! [Video Source: B3 Parenting Magazine]

Happy Mother’s Day to you all!!!

Mommy Fail Moments

 

 

 

 

 

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